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Four Money and relationships Questions

Much of the domestic friction regarding money stems from the different habits instilled in each partner as a child.

Money - or rather, its lack - can be a serious source of disputes between couples, and I do not think that the fulfillment of the song "If I Were Rothschild" would solve all the problems - the reality is much more complex.

Dealing with economic limitations is not easy, but there are also unique challenges for the rich as the famous quote from the patriarchs says, "many assets, many worries." The real battlefield is the psychological impact of money on our lives and relationships.

As with so many other things in life, our parents' approach to money has shaped ours. Take Alex, for example. His parents always fought over money. His father always had 'sharp' plans that would make them rich. Despite his tireless efforts, his dreams did not come true, the bills began to pile up, and Alex's parents continued to fight. Today, Alex is happily married to Jenn, a stockbroker with a stable salary. But if he ever dares to talk about hot advice that will be their entry ticket to getting rich quick, Alex explodes. It's irrational, and it's not Jenn's fault. These are old money memories and an associative system awakened at the push of a button.

Maybe your father was always worried about the bills. The general atmosphere in your home was frugal and shrinking. Now that you're on your own, you relish the waste of your money - and perhaps live beyond your ability and income. Maybe your wife is asking you for some restraint, and you immediately go back to your mother and reduce her domineering and fears.

Until we understand them, our childhood experiences will hurt our approach to money and its role in marriage.

Maybe your father was extravagant, liked to enjoy the latest "toy," but a little meticulous about the phone bill. Perhaps you grew up on savings ... and savings ... and savings ... and your husband wants you to 'live a little', and the thought of that shocks you.

The past shapes the present, and until we understand them, our childhood experiences will hurt our approach to money and its role in marriage. In many cases, these are not the spouses we respond to. We are having a money conversation with our parents. And if we do not understand this, it can lead us to serious friction with the couple.

Money is essentially neutral, but it can be so important. It can be a source of security or worry. It can be an option for power or a reminder of helplessness. It can be used to improve life or destroy it. It can lead to freedom or serve as a burden on our necks. And just as our parents' approach to money has affected us, our attitudes will affect our children. If we can understand our deep-rooted beliefs about money and root it out if necessary, we will not have to pass it on to our descendants.

Do it with the couple - it's much more interactive than binge-watching Netflix when you finally go out together. So stop for a few minutes, and examine what approaches you are subconsciously passing on. I suggest you ask yourself the following questions.

  1. What is your first money-related memory? (The doll you wanted but did not get, your parents are arguing, the uncle pinches your cheek and gives you some coins, etc ...).

  2. What did your parents teach you about money - in their actions and words?

  3. Did your parents do something you appreciated with their money?

  4. Did they do something you did not like or embarrass you (something more profound than the lavish and ostentatious furniture in the living room)?

  5. How much money do you need?

The answers will probably not change your bank balance, but they may provide a deeper understanding that can ease the tension around this issue. Above a certain income and net value, there is no real connection between wealth and happiness. Still, there seems to be a significant connection between clarifying our relationship to money and true peace of mind.

Sometimes we or our loved ones need a little coaching when it comes to money. A Savings Jar financial coach can be there for the difficult conversations. A financial coach that specializes in money and relationships can work with you to ensure that together you make progress on your personal money plan, reduce financial stress, and reach financial peace of mind.

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